Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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