3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
