I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
