do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
