She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
