I want to stick my p in your. b.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am available for nakedness
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
