apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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