i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
