i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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