shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
