What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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