I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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