Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
