eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
