I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
