Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
