My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
