I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
