On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
