party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize