I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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