Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
