Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize