See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
