If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The beers last night were like the tears from god
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
