areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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