apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize