My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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