I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You may now shotgun with the bride
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
