Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
