I must be too annoying 4 u.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
