she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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