just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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