definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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