I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
