I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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