Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Floor bacon is actually really good
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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