My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
