Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
