I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
