halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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