dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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