She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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