i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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