areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize