I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
