the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
God, I missed his penis.
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