after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You are the jesus of drinking
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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