have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize