I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
