My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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