he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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