weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
