Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
