true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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