i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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