Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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