so that wasnt chicken after all
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
