If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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