CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
