Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
