i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
