I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
