Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
