Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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