i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
